On serving

I can’t say that mothering has been the easiest for me lately.  In fact I’m finding that it’s been a whole new level of weeding out the ugliness from my heart. I’m hopefully being brought to a greater understanding of what it just might mean to be at rest with what God has for me, and to truly serve those He’s given me to serve.  I am definitely feeling the fiery refining process these days. I know God’s burning away the dross in my life but I just wish it wasn’t so uncomfortable.  But then again….that discomfort problem…I think that’s what got me here in first place.  I’ve been loving my comfort and that has got to go I suppose.  I can only cling to His promise that He will eventually create something much more beautiful if I hold fast to Him.  I am praying to that end. 

In this process I’ve often thought about all of the intense pre-marital counseling Sam and I received before marrying.  We had several sessions with our pastor, read countless books, were guided to discover deeper things about ourselves so that we would in turn be able to relate to our future spouse, and we had many people exhort us in the joys and challenges of marriage.  I think those things helped a great deal in preparing us for marriage and in setting our expectations right.  Of course nothing can fully prepare you, but we feel we received a lot of wise counsel and honest encouragment from those who had gone before us.  I almost wonder why in the world we don’t encourage pre-mothering counseling.  Seriously. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in the past several years of transition, it’s that expectations and perspective are everything.  The truth about mothering is that it is full of joy, but also heartache, of discouragement, but also encouragment, of endless selflessness, but also the incredible gift of giving so that another can grow, of dying to oneself over and over, but also of losing the root of selfishness that has made it’s home in your heart.  I’m waiting on that last one. 

I truly do love my children and husband and am praying that God makes me the wife and mother He wants me to be.  I have an incredible amount to thankful for, and I don’t want to be distracted from what God has for me each day.  And for that reason, in the midst of the fiery furnace I find myself in, I am choosing to put one foot in front of the other day each. 

Philippians 2:3-4
“Do nothing out of selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important than himself; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.”