It has been a unique month to attempt to articulate all that encompass our days…what we do, what we think about, worry about, pray about——all that we do or do not accomplish at home, at camp, or at school.  Neither of us have been overcome with epiphanal thoughts or pithy things to write about…

There is this tension that we have found ourselves in lately.  Sometimes we feel the tension more than others.  This week, or this month rather, we have been feeling this tension a lot.  Unfortunately, it has turned into feelings of defeat. 

Let me attempt to explain:  The tension lies in what could or should be accomplished in a day and what actually happens.  It seems that there are so many needs (opportunities, issues, heartache…whatever you want to call it….I’ll stick with “needs” that we see) at camp, at home, at school——logistically and practically, along with relationally, spiritually, and emotionally.  We can each become so defeated by what we should or could have done in a day.  We end our day feeling like we let someone down, and carry the pain or hurt of people.  (Thus = defeat.)

And yet, it is in the tension that we have a choice.  I could crumble under the weight of needs on this side of heaven, or I could entrust them to the one who is greater than I.  I am not very good at pausing to ask HIM, “Here I am today…use me in your unique ways and orchestrate my encounters.”  And when I do, I need help discerning what that looks like.  Moreover, I need to know when to stop at the end of the day and rest in HIM.

So through this tension, I pray for wisdom….

This summer has been good….really it has, I write that not to convince myself, but because it honestly truly has been a good summer.  I’m not gonna lie though….it has been hard too.  You see, early this summer we were excited, truly excited because we were going to be parents.  Yeah…..I was pregnant.  We began to dream and plan with excitement.  But, for reasons we don’t really know, my body decided that it couldn’t support a little life in the way that it needed to, and about a month ago we lost this little one through a miscarriage.  With it came plenty of emotions and messy hormones and such.  I thought I would “recover” after a week or so.  It has taken….uh….a bit longer.  I am blindsided by emotions when I least expect it.  Like today…I guess…. 

We have clung to Colossians 3….“Let the peace of Christ rule your hearts….and be thankful.”  We have camped here this summer.  We are not mad at God.  Just hurting sometimes.  And we are okay…  But two days ago we found ourselves hiking together…..just us.  Not us as “program director” or in charge or with people where we needed to hold it together.  I lost it.  I guess because I could.  I just cried and hiked.  Larry assured me that it was okay to not be okay for a while. 

And today I hang laundry.  Summer continues…..sometimes I wish I could stop it for a bit….but the laundry will need to be done next week despite whether it is overcast or sunny. 

I am emerging on the blogging front…..And so I end this post….after not posting for a while….because what does one post when emotional for a month?!?  Perhaps just what I am thinking….like on a ho-hum day like today.  (Unfortunately, I lost my camera somewhere or it was lost at camp or who knows what….so enjoy a pic of someone picturesque laundry on the line compliments of Google.  It looks nicer anyways.)

Paul’s words from Colossians have rung true in our lives recently:  “Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body; and be thankful.”

Perhaps you too, may need to experience HIS PEACE today.  Be thankful.

(p.s. thanks again Jesse for the sweet pic that points to HIM.)

I guess a few pics is just the start of communicating a glimpse of youth camp in these past weeks.  More to come shortly.  (Special thanks to Jesse and Logan for capturing so many aspects of camp through photography.)

I have been challenged, and I am in the process of being changed.  What?  How?  One little Greek word:  “Eucharisteo.”  (Charis: grace.  Chara: joy.  Eucharisteo: Thanksgiving.) 

Over and over and over and over…the heartbeat of scripture is filled with the words to “remember” and to “give thanks.”  I have read this many times.  But do I know what it means to truly live this?  In all circumstances?  In pain?  In confusion?  In comfort?  In discomfort?  In the hum-drum?  In the beautiful?  In the question marks?

Ann Voskamp writes, “We only enter into the full life if our faith gives thanks.  Because how else do we accept His free gift of salvation if not with thanksgiving?  Thanksgiving is the evidence of our acceptance of whatever He gives.  Thanksgiving is the manifestation of our ‘yes’ to His grace.”

CS Lewis cries out when he writes: “What more, you may ask do we want?  Ah, but we want so much more—something the books on aesthetics take little notice of.  But the poets and mythologies know all about it.  We do not want merely to see beauty though, though, God knows even that is bounty enough.  We want something else which can hardly be put into words—to be united with the beauty we see, to pass into it, to receive it into ourselves, to bath in it, to become part of it.”

Paul wrote that he learned how to be content in all circumstances.  (Philippians 4:11-12)  He LEARNED.  He learned how to live a life filled with eucharisteo.  Joy in living fully.  I too am on this journey. 

Thanks to my dear friend (you know who you are) who sent me Ann Voskamp’s book and challenged me to unclench my hand to live with gratitude.  I have so much more to learn…

According to google, it means “one with supervisory duties” of some kind “like at a camp.” 

I beg to differ….It is a loaded word my friends. 

A counselor is so much more…one who….

who listens,
who laughs—-a lot,
who pursues the hearts of campers,
who cares when others don’t,
who protects, 
who encourages in so many ways,
who cheers like crazy on the patio,
who hikes to camp outs,
who loves without an agenda,
who challenges,
who fights for truth,
who sacrifices sleep and personal comforts,
who seeks God,
who communicates HIS word,
who plays hard,
who appreciates pineapple delights and banana boats,
who dresses in costumes
who goes swimming with her camper when it is 50 degrees,
who allows themselves to be humiliated for the camper’s joy,
who finds his/her strength in the Lord,
who considers it one of the greatest joys and greatest responsibility to serve here this summer.

We are so thankful for the men and women investing in the lives of many this summer.  Above is a photo of them in all their glory.  (Admit it….you are jealous.) 

In fact, it is kinda like rhubarb in my opinion. 

Starts out small…..I don’t really notice it in the corner of our yard….it can just kind of take of and before you know it there are stalks of it growing strong.  More than anything….it is bitter.  Who really eats that stuff anyways?!?  In my opinion, pretty useless.  Yet, there are many around who go gagga over rhubarb.  In fact, these people have a way of transforming rhubarb into something sweet believe it or not. 

As the rhubarb emerged in the corner of my yard….I was reminded of the not-so-useful-bitter-purposeless-not-pretty-or-sweet-aspects in my life.  As I attempted to make a pie and crisp, I am giving up the “bitter-uglies” of my life and asking Him to transform me into a sweetness only He can cultivate. 

Even better than pie. 
With each bite, I find myself grateful for GOD’S SWEET GRACE.

Alex, Lydia, Megan, Shane, Jamie
Ummm…did I also mention that this crew is a ton of fun too?!?!    They are. 

(Soooooo….this pic was taken in JUNE….on the leadership campout—a sweet time to prepare for the summer.  Because I am a late blogger…now is the thick-of-camp happenings….activities here are in full swing…much to be done these days!  Good stuff…really!)